Jen Fry
Photo by: Jen Fry Talks
Dartmouth Athletics Staff Discusses Race and Inclusion with Jen Fry
6/8/2020 3:00:00 PM | Athletics, Peak Performance
HANOVER, N.H. – In a time of divide, the Dartmouth athletics department came together to have a conversation.
Hosted by Jen Fry of JenFryTalks, the session entitled "Invisible Playbook: How to Create a Culture of Inclusive Excellence," had nearly 100 viewers participating in workshops and discussions with their colleagues.
JenFryTalks is "a social justice education firm that uses conversation to educate and empower those within athletics through an anti-racist lens on issues of race, inclusion, intersectionality, diversity and equity."
To start the meeting, Fry asked everyone how they were feeling, and many responses were the same: angry, sad, stressed, overwhelmed, conflicted, anxious, concerned, pessimistic, tired, helpless. Among those negative responses, however, were some positive ones: inspired, hopeful, ready, interested, motivated, determined, excited to learn.
Over the course of two hours, Fry talked about how to have the tough conversations with our staff and athletes:
Have those conversations that make you uncomfortable
o "You can't pull away just because you're feeling uncomfortable. Experience that discomfort and go with it."
o "You may not know what you do when you're uncomfortable, but your staff and athletes do. What you do might be affecting your relationships with them. Acknowledge that and critically think about yourself. Be vulnerable."
o "This discussion is uncomfortable. You're going to have to get used to having patience and be comfortable with the uncomfortable silence. You've got to give your athletes the room to get comfortable with talking about this and you yourself have to be comfortable with not saying a word."
Educate yourself
o "Do not lean on your players or friends to educate you. Don't put that weight on your athletes of color. There are resources out there. If they want to share, then by all means, have them share. But don't ask them to give you answers."
Learn a shared language
o "Talking about hot and spicy topics means everything comes with a different definition. Your sports have terms that are the same across the board. Unfortunately, with this, we don't have the same definitions. Create a foundation. Create a shared language.
Be open to apologize
o "Saying 'I'm sorry' makes it about you and not the situation that occurred. Instead, say 'I apologize; how can I do better?' Challenge your athletes to do the same. If you make a mistake, apologize and move on. Role model the right way and they will follow."
Own your intentions/impact
o "Intent doesn't matter. Impact does. If I'm driving and I accidentally drive over you, will you accept my apology? What is our impact vs. what is our intent? We have to think differently with our mindset. Think about what your impact is and own it."
Create a brave space and listen
o "These conversations are now. Accept that your staff and athletes of color have emotions. There's a lot going on for them. Allow them to vent. Ask them how you can do better for them. Let them speak their truth."
o "Listen with raw openness."
o When you say, 'I, I, I, I, I,' you center yourself and not the community. Instead, say 'yes, I have emotions about this, but I'm not going to center my emotions.' You can still be vulnerable and emotional, but don't center your emotions. You have to think with a different lens about topics that are tough."
Stay engaged
o "Expect and accept non-closure. This is an ongoing conversation; it will not end. We have to accept that there is no closure and that we have to continue on with this. Know you're playing the long game."
When talking about the event after the fact, Dr. Kristene Kelly, Executive Associate AD for Varsity Sports, said: "when I kept seeing the tragic and unfathomable events happening in the world, I knew we needed to provide a safe place to facilitate conversations where everyone could be heard. I also knew that I wasn't equipped to lead such a session, but I knew someone who could.
"I had heard Jen Fry speak at numerous events such as the NCAA, Women Leaders in College Sports and the NCAA Diversity and Inclusion Summit," Kelly continued. "She is dynamic. She challenges everyone to think critically and have open, honest conversations. More importantly, I personally believe in the quote Desmond Tutu so eloquently said: 'If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.' Today's session went extremely well. We will put our words into action and today's session was the first step in doing so."
Fry's lessons are not done. She will be hosting a student-athlete session on Wednesday, June 10, giving the players a safe space to discuss their feelings with one another.
Visit jenfrytalks.com for more information.
Hosted by Jen Fry of JenFryTalks, the session entitled "Invisible Playbook: How to Create a Culture of Inclusive Excellence," had nearly 100 viewers participating in workshops and discussions with their colleagues.
JenFryTalks is "a social justice education firm that uses conversation to educate and empower those within athletics through an anti-racist lens on issues of race, inclusion, intersectionality, diversity and equity."
To start the meeting, Fry asked everyone how they were feeling, and many responses were the same: angry, sad, stressed, overwhelmed, conflicted, anxious, concerned, pessimistic, tired, helpless. Among those negative responses, however, were some positive ones: inspired, hopeful, ready, interested, motivated, determined, excited to learn.
Over the course of two hours, Fry talked about how to have the tough conversations with our staff and athletes:
Have those conversations that make you uncomfortable
o "You can't pull away just because you're feeling uncomfortable. Experience that discomfort and go with it."
o "You may not know what you do when you're uncomfortable, but your staff and athletes do. What you do might be affecting your relationships with them. Acknowledge that and critically think about yourself. Be vulnerable."
o "This discussion is uncomfortable. You're going to have to get used to having patience and be comfortable with the uncomfortable silence. You've got to give your athletes the room to get comfortable with talking about this and you yourself have to be comfortable with not saying a word."
Educate yourself
o "Do not lean on your players or friends to educate you. Don't put that weight on your athletes of color. There are resources out there. If they want to share, then by all means, have them share. But don't ask them to give you answers."
Learn a shared language
o "Talking about hot and spicy topics means everything comes with a different definition. Your sports have terms that are the same across the board. Unfortunately, with this, we don't have the same definitions. Create a foundation. Create a shared language.
Be open to apologize
o "Saying 'I'm sorry' makes it about you and not the situation that occurred. Instead, say 'I apologize; how can I do better?' Challenge your athletes to do the same. If you make a mistake, apologize and move on. Role model the right way and they will follow."
Own your intentions/impact
o "Intent doesn't matter. Impact does. If I'm driving and I accidentally drive over you, will you accept my apology? What is our impact vs. what is our intent? We have to think differently with our mindset. Think about what your impact is and own it."
Create a brave space and listen
o "These conversations are now. Accept that your staff and athletes of color have emotions. There's a lot going on for them. Allow them to vent. Ask them how you can do better for them. Let them speak their truth."
o "Listen with raw openness."
o When you say, 'I, I, I, I, I,' you center yourself and not the community. Instead, say 'yes, I have emotions about this, but I'm not going to center my emotions.' You can still be vulnerable and emotional, but don't center your emotions. You have to think with a different lens about topics that are tough."
Stay engaged
o "Expect and accept non-closure. This is an ongoing conversation; it will not end. We have to accept that there is no closure and that we have to continue on with this. Know you're playing the long game."
When talking about the event after the fact, Dr. Kristene Kelly, Executive Associate AD for Varsity Sports, said: "when I kept seeing the tragic and unfathomable events happening in the world, I knew we needed to provide a safe place to facilitate conversations where everyone could be heard. I also knew that I wasn't equipped to lead such a session, but I knew someone who could.
"I had heard Jen Fry speak at numerous events such as the NCAA, Women Leaders in College Sports and the NCAA Diversity and Inclusion Summit," Kelly continued. "She is dynamic. She challenges everyone to think critically and have open, honest conversations. More importantly, I personally believe in the quote Desmond Tutu so eloquently said: 'If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.' Today's session went extremely well. We will put our words into action and today's session was the first step in doing so."
Fry's lessons are not done. She will be hosting a student-athlete session on Wednesday, June 10, giving the players a safe space to discuss their feelings with one another.
Visit jenfrytalks.com for more information.
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